Every week, the 2 Sense Show receives hundreds of letters, birthdays and baptism requests. Naturally, not all of them can be read. 2 carefully reviews each letter and selects the best ones to be read on the show.

This FAQ will tell you everything you need to know to give your letter what it needs to be selected for the show. Of course, we can't guarantee that your letter will be read, even if you follow all of these guidelines, but we can tell you that it will give you a much better chance.

LETTERS TO AVOID

Every week, a certain number of letters ask the same general questions. These letters are not likely to be selected as they have probably already been answered on the show more than once. Here are the most popular questions asked, and their answers. Avoid asking similar questions in your letter.

Q: Dear 2. I'd like to respond to a listener who wrote in on your last show. Can you give me his/her e-mail address?

A: No. We do not give out the e-mail information of anyone who writes into the show. We'd also prefer not to be asked to forward your e-mail address along to any other listener. Running the show is quite enough work without being a messaging service as well.

Q: Dear 2. Where can I find the website/art/material of person-you've-had-on-your-show?

A: Before you ask this question, please take 8 seconds of your life and use Google. I'm not a search engine. Nine times out of ten, when this question is asked, I have whatever URL is being asked for in less than 10 seconds from a simple Google search, then sit wondering why the writer couldn't have done it himself.

Q: Dear 2. Who are your comedic influences?

A: Bill Cosby, Lucille Ball, Mitch Hedberg, John Stewart.

Q: Dear 2. How do I tell my parents that I'm gay/furry?

A: You don't. There are plenty of things about yourself that you've kept private from your parents, why would you want to tell them something that you know will likely cause them to go completely batshit and make your life hell over? You have a right to privacy, and who you prefer to have sex with should be in that area. If you absolutely must tell them, wait till you move out of the house.

Q: Dear 2. My mother/father has found out that I'm gay/furry and they're making my life hell. What do I do?

A: You deal with it. You shouldn't have let them find out in the first place. But if they have, the only thing you can to is keep a stiff upper lip and deal with whatever they've decided to do with you until you can legally pack up and move to your own place.

Q: Dear 2. My parents/friends/significant other/high school/job is making my life suck a lot. What should I do?

A: If someone or something in your life is making it suck, then go away from it. Move out, get new friends, dump the bitch, get a new job. If you don't want to get away from it, then it's obviously not making your life suck enough to want to be without it. Remember, no one's life is perfect. Everyone has to deal with suck sometimes. Just do what you have to do and look forward to your next night with a bottle of Jim Beam.

Q: Dear 2. I live in Middle-Of-Nowhere, Kansas and there are no furries here. What should I do?

A: You're wrong. There are furries there. I don't care where you live or how isolated you think you are, there ARE other furries there. You can live in a town that has fewer people in it than Tammy Fay Baker's vagina and there will be other furries. You just haven't found them yet. If I were you, I'd start a mailing list for your area, check the furry communities, talk to people. You might be able to find them.

LETTER WRITING TIPS

Taking time to make sure your letter is neat, clean and readable can be well worth it. Here are a few tips to help your letter stand out in the pile.

1. Use proper spelling, grammar and punctuation to the best of your ability.
2. Keep your letter brief and to the point. Only one or two paragraphs should do it.
3. Don't write your life story.

BAPTISMS AND BIRTHDAYS

Q: Can I send baptisms, birthday and Dear 2 Letters in the same mail?

A: Please don't. It gets rather confusing to keep everything sorted. If you have material for more than one segment in one letter, it's likely that at least some of it will get lost. Send baptism requests, birthdays and Dear 2 Letters seperately, please.

Q: I sent in my birthday, but you didn't read it. What gives?

A: You probably sent it in the same mail with other material or you sent it in too early or late. We only take birthday shout-outs for dates between the next show and the previous one. If your birthday doesn't fall between the next show and the last one, it gets tossed.

Q: You baptized me twice! Which character should I go with?

A: Well, you shouldn't have sent in more than one baptism request, should you? Pick which ever you like best.

Q: I sent my baptism in a long time ago and it hasn't been read.

A: Chances are, we have your request and it's sitting in the pile. Currently, the queue seems to be holding steady at around 60 baptism requests. As we do five baptisms per show, you can expect to be baptized approximately 12 shows after you send in your request.